Stinky Plants & Shoes That Fit

For every pair that fits, there were a dozen that didn’t.

And that’s why when we find a pair that does fit…we embody this:


“Shoes” in this case are both literal and figurative in my life. Literally, I have zero luck finding shoes that are not ankle length or higher. So when I do…I buy them in every color. Which I’m pretty sure goes against the first commandment of my favorite fashion show: What Not To Wear. But alas, I don’t care. If I was filthy rich I’d just have Ferragamo makes shoes specifically for ME. But I did not win the lottery this past weekend.

A year or so I bought myself what I fancied were the perfect bar/line dancing non-boot shoe. Well then stuff happened and I stopped going to that bar as often. (I moved, a decision I’m still on the fence about.)


These are Satan’s actual shoes.

Oh, they look innocent enough, sure…but clearly they don’t fit properly. (No, I don’t ever paint my toe-nails. If this bothers you…bite me.) After a weekend of Boy Scouts and puppies, (which was a  joyous mix of fun and “why the fuck did I volunteer for this??!?! Baltimore sucks! PUPPY!”) I ended up going to DC to see Senator McStinky Plant with, to date, one of three males on this planet whom I hate less than the above pictured shoes and Congress. (That is actually quite an honor and a compliment I promise.)

Me & The Capital

Pictured behind me is the most foul and disgusting place on the planet.

But first, Boy Scouts and The USS Constellation:

The larva in the middle is my eldest nephew, we spent the whole bloody hot day on the ship doing…shippy type things. Okay, he did mostly shippy things, I enjoyed watching the Navy guy running the show  bossing around the little ones and being all bossy. All was well, up until the end when the other boys started getting rowdy. I ended up going evil woman on a couple who almost pushed a friend down the stairs.

Anyhow, that ended and I went back to take care of my cousin’s puppies while she was in Va Beach. There are also two cats in that household but for the most part they ignored the hell out of me.

"You are not my human slave, but you will suffice."

“You are not my human slave, but you will suffice.”

So, all that was said and done. I went home and a few hours later made a Facebook status about several males I have met in this life. This resulted in a unusually long conversation with the above mentioned Not Annoying Guy Friend(tm) that turned into me finally roping someone into seeing Stinky Plant with me on Monday. So…since I am going out in public, and maybe because of that guy, (you will NEVER know!!!!!) I decided to dress nice. Because that’s what people in DC do; dress up, act fancy so if we run into someone with power from the aforementioned political black-hole we can pretend like they cared and we made a good impression. This all results in my usual panic of not being sure if I still look female when I get dressed. I mean it’s hard to hide this chest of mine, but still sometimes I think I go out of my way to look rather androgynous. Unless I’m pissed off, then it’s bitch dress, bitch heels and the bitch bra…all at once. I ended up settling on the shorts and tank I got at Hysteria, a button down and Satan’s Shoes.


Shorts: Rachel Roy (similar) >> Tank >> Button Down: Michael Kors (similar) >> Shoes: Sketchers  >> Clutch: Karen Millen (similar) >> Necklace: Marc Jacobs (out of season)

I’m not really sure how I feel about that picture, as such I have fired the photographer. My roommate took that picture, when I probably should have just had the friend i was meeting do it. The things I love about the above outfits boil down to the accessories and texture. The shorts, a wee bit too long for me have to be hemmed, but they have an awesome texture and are not transparent. Totally worth the price I paid for them. My necklace is from Marc Jacobs “Petal To The Metal” line, it has been discontinued and I stalk Poshmark for a second hand bag that matches it. I’m a total escapist, if I could sprout wings and fly away I would. Lastly, the bag, it’s a Poshmark find by Karen Milen. It had blue orchids on it and I adore it.

Those…shoes are Sketcher “Bikers Originals” they killed my feet. I’ve worn them before for short lengths of time to break them in but apparently that didn’t help, by the end of the night I was treating them as flip-flops. But I got to where I wanted to go, sent Awesome Dude on a mile long hike because I failed to mention the direction of the road I was standing on. (I really do feel bad about that! It totally cut into our hanging out time.) Not to mention I stood in line twice.

This is the line, it is 3/4 around the building at this point and building in DC are not small.

This is the line, it is 3/4 around the building at this point and building in DC are not small.

Nothing phases people from DC, except snow flurries and stinking plants. But after my shoddy directions and a bit of a wait, we got into see Stinky McPlant. (Who didn’t stink.)


Totally worth it, I also learned that I should have gotten a droid. His camera phone got way better pictures, but to be fair my poor Nikon has taken like 150k pictures in it’s life.

There are few things I dress up for, weird plants and non-annoying males are on that list.*

All things considered it was a good weekend.


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* Mostly non-annoying, he has his quirks. 😉

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