Not an enjoyable thing to come home to.
After a lifetime of mess at the ripe juvenile’s age of 32 I am ready to be rid of the mess. This revelation presents certain issues as E & I do not necessarily view possessions with the same mindset. I could easily get rid of 90% of my possessions and buy a Winnebago and live the wanderlust life with my bunnies riding with me. E like things, his belongings make him feel at peace and the are a comfort to him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either of us, we are just different on this front. I am sure the idea of the two of us being married is probably funny to some of you at this point but we make it work.
Just recently E acquired a rather large trophy cabinet which will soon be home to the prizes in his rather abundant video game collection. My acceptance of this case, apparently surprises some but the truth is, if he I going to have this collection I would like it to be well cared for and displayed in a manner that makes him proud. Right now, we’re seven months into our first home together and the house is still a mess. Being active second-hand enthusiasts and making decent money at flipping, we always have an influx. The piles grow and we do our best to keep up.
About six months ago I was trolling Reddit, as many Millennials do, and saw both praise and kvetching about this woman named Konmari and her book, that was destined to litter thrift stores with glorious finds as people everywhere purged their house of anything that doesn’t bring them ‘joy’. Having not read anything else I just assumed it was another of the many methods of self help the Internet has brought us. I placed the book on preserve at my local library three months ago and it only recently got to me.
Over the last two nights I have been reading the first chapter of her book and nothing strikes me as out of the ordinary, other than perhaps her childhood obsession with organizing which leads me to believe Mari Kon missed her calling as an archivist. The idea that none of us know how to truly maintain our spaces and keep them tidy is not a huge leap, my grandmother is perhaps the last matriarch who can truly maintain a space. I certainly did not acquire a tidy nature being around thrift stores my entire life, it took me years to finally accept that short of my photos, family jewelry and coin collection, I am not truly attached to much.
I decided after delving into the second chapter, that I would try to visualize why I want. I came up blank. I can not articulate what I would like for my life at home to resemble. I know the feeling but the words are lost upon me. Which is very…disconcerting. So I took to the one truly comprehensive visual source I use, Pinterest.
My “dream home” board was really just a bunch of stuff I might like. I created a new board and moved the pins that I connected with to it, I then deleted both the “dream home” board and my organizational board. Because if there is one thing I agreed with thus far in the book, it is that obsessing over organization is not solving my problems. It’s just a piece of gum holding the air in the tires of my life. My board thus far is pretty empty, but it is a start. You can see it here.
Next post? Why, that will be what happened when I folded all my clothes into my two lingerie chests. So stay tuned!
Cheers & Beers,
2015 was better than 2014 by a long shot, as I characterized 365 days ago. It helps I let go of a lot of things and just learned to accept myself as I am. I figured I would go over what I actually managed to accomplish last year, based on those “goal”, (if you can call them that,) I set and work on some new ones.
I will no longer go out of my way to feed one way relationships. If all you’re doing is stressing me out, we’re done. From now on…we won’t even start.
It’s amazing how few new friends I haven’t made this year. The few I did are awesome and I intend to keep them.
“There are certain people in your life that no matter how long you go without talking whenever you do, you pick up where you left off. Or no matter how many miles apart, the distance will never change a thing.” ~Someone smarter than me.
I will no longer sacrifice what I want, for what I think will make another happy. I will do what I want when I can, and I don’t want to hear about how I’m making bad choices. My life is a giant list of bad choices, and so was everyone else’s. I’m done punishing myself to make others happy.
I will no longer choose things over travel. I’ve got enough crap. I’m going to travel, so when I get my ass on a plane to Germany in a few months for no reason at all, don’t be shocked, and per #1 on this list….I don’t want to hear anyone’s crap about it either. I will either get to live alone again in this life or I won’t. I will either live with my boyfriend or I won’t. Since the universe decided it didn’t want me to have those things…I am not longer worried about them.
I will no longer cater to the weak by mincing words that need to be spoken. The harsh truth is sometimes the only solution. Tact is always paramount, but in the words of Winston Churchill, “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.”
I….will probably never learn The Art of Tact and 2016 is shaping up to be an election year full of idiocy..
I will no longer feign extroversion….it’s bloody exhausting and excruciating. Not to mention I spend days trying to recover from it.
My house? It’s really nice? Traveling alone? Is fucking awesome.
I am deleting my Facebook, it is the single largest source of all the stress and heartache I feel towards others. Not to mention I hate hearing about politics.
Best 8 months of my life!!! Highly recommend it.
I am going to put my phone on “do not disturb” a lot more. Mostly because I hate talking on my phone. Leave me a message and I will get back to you at my leisure. Only call 2 times or more in a row in the event of an actual emergency.
Also worked out REALLY well.
I will schedule required “work time” every day of the regular week, to get caught up on Etsy, because I have an awful lot of stuff sitting around that needs to get listed. I need the money.
I has a real job now…but I still need to get caught up on Etsy & Ebay…
I will a lot required “photo sorting” time into each day, a bit extra on the weekends. Because I have 18,600 pictures in Lightroom…. 90% of them are not tagged or sorted properly. This mess of mine weighs on me a lot and I need to get it straight.
This did not happen nearly as much as I needed it to. Currently my “photos” folder houses 21659 photos. >.<
I’m going to eat how I feel I should, which is going to mean at times…I’m not going to eat because I can’t afford it. This is the fact of my life at this time and it is not a play for sympathy. I don’t want the sympathy.
I swear…I’m trying, but I miss easy food.
I will not beat myself up over not going to school. This will probably be the hardest, because I feel like I should be done by now. But until I find a way to calm my life down it’s not practical. I will revisit this decision in the summer after I have hopefully landed steady full-time work and have paid off some of the things that bother me….and board a plane to a far away place.
Hopefully I can start again in Summer 2016. But if not…so be it.
My song for the year is Hozier’s “Take Me To Church“, it’s probably going to sum up my feelings about the 2016 political year as well.
2016: Nothing changes on New Year’s Day
So my goals for this year pretty much consist of:
- Visit London, if only for tea.
- Own less shit.
- Save money through buying less shit.
- Eat better and actually work out the way I should be.
- Deal with the family photos, the coin collection and the stamp collection.
We’ll see how it all goes.
Happy New Years!
Cheers & Beers,
Look at my plants!!! Aren’t they pretty?!?! *swoon*
The second eldest of my Christmas Cacti, who is actually more of a Halloween/Thanksgiving “Cacti” is flowering. This one is probably 2 years old at this point, she was most likely a broken stem when my 7 year old got murdered by the wind two years ago. I’ve never had much success with any other color. I currently have three “babies” who have blooms but I don’t think they’re going to open. I also have a jar full of stems rooting from when I pruned my eldest plant a month ago.
The botanical genus of this plant is Schlumbergera. They’re most likely Schlumbergera truncata, but you would have to ask an actual botanist. I just grow these things for their yearly blooms and rather resilient nature. (Also, I’ve pretty much always had one around since birth.)
The secret to happiness I have found it to put them outside for the summer in shade and let the heat get them a little. They will burn though, so no direct sunlight. Much like orchids, they are epiphytic or epilithic. If you do end up with one of these in your care, please plant them in gritty/rocky soil, they don’t like regular potting soil as it kills their rather fine roots.
I hope whomever reads this has a lovely Thanksgiving!
Also….if you wish to adopt a Schlumbergera….I have plenty to share! 🙂
Cheers & Beers,
We are all citizens of humanity.
14 Years Ago
It took me a long time to be okay with with even discussing 9-11 and the two days after. There isn’t really much to talk about anymore that isn’t deeply political, so here it goes.
I miss America, or rather…I miss the America I don’t see happening. I miss the days when our country was not run by lobbyists on Capital Hill. I miss the days when guys like Rumsfeld and Cheney would have been tried for treason. I miss the days when we cared about education and our environment. When we didn’t start wars we could never win and when we didn’t allow small groups of people to define our political arena.
I miss the separation of church & state, I miss the idea that even though it said “all men” that the founding father’s truly mean “all humans”. I miss the days when the idea that a person should be able to put in a hard days work and live a good life. That debtors were not property who could be threatened, that minorities were not to be fears, but embraced. I miss the days when the police existed to “Protect & Serve” not buy the latest Army hand off tanks they don’t need so that they can ride around and harass whatever minority of choice their, often WASPy, community leaders hate. I miss the days when poorly-educated, over-worked and under-paid people could not simply buy an assault rifle. I miss the days when “scientific consensus” was actually revered and outliers were ostracized for their willful abandonment of the very basic principles of science. I miss the idea that war should be avoided unless absolutely necessary and not seen as a chance to grow the economy. I miss the idea that taxes were a patriotic duty and that they should be high enough to fund this country properly. I miss the idea that companies could not be trusted to be socially responsible and were regulated in such a fashion.
I miss a country I have never known…and I fear my nieces and nephews will never know.
I fear that they will continue to grow up in a country that find the profits of corporations more important than an educated voting populace. I fear they will grow up in a country where local police departments will be allowed to continue acting like militias. I fear they will grow up in a country where any wackjob can go out and buy a rifle that can kill a roomful of people in under thirty seconds. I fear they will grow up in a country where the worst of the “old money” continue to run this country because they are not good for anything else. I fear they will grow up in a country with crumbling infrastructure. I fear my nieces will continue to grow-up in a country that treats them and their bodies as if they a pawns to continue populating a rapidly over populating planet. I fear my nephews will continue to live in a world where they are told that girls owe them their kindness and their bodies. I fear they will continue to grow in a world where the idea that someone can remove consent even after the clothes has come off is somehow wrong. I fear they will continue to grow in a world where they are unable to learn the fundamentals of scientific process without being hindered by the religious beliefs of a few. I fear they will grow up in a country that values the bottom lines of corporations over taking care of veterans and ensuring their citizens can eat.
I fear they will never know the country I hope for, my friends died for and the principals of doing the right thing, taking care of others, tolerating difference in other, the value of knowledge and being a good person.
I’m afraid that nothing will change and all those lost on 9-11 and who are suffering from the fall-out of the rescue/recovery efforts and the war that followed.
I am sad that we refuse to learn and that my voice means so little.